Things You Shouldn’t Say To People With Autism Or Aspergers

I am trying to work out a blogging schedule if you guys havent guessed from my previous posts yet, and once I find one that works and will stick to I will share it. As of right now I think I will be posting an actual or regular blog on Tuesday, Wednesdays or Thursdays. If I don’t have a blog ready or have an idea of what to blog about I will try to fill this gap with something else. But moving on shall we. 🙂

Hello everyone I hope you are having a great day or whatever time zone you are on.

Here are some things that I find are very ignorant and unpleasant to say to autistic people and I am sure the vast majority of the autistic community can agree. Like always I apologize for any cursing that may occur in this post or other things that may come across as offensive just sometimes my anger gets the best of me.

“You look too normal to have aspergers/autism” or “I never would have guessed you have aspergers/autism”
See my post here

“I’m sorry to hear you have autism/aspergers”
This comment really grinds my gears because it is basically saying it is bad to have autism or it is bad to be me. Why are you sorry to hear I have autism or I am on the spectrum? I don’t see it as a bad thing, it may have some struggles sure, but it also has a lot of positives. I have lived with autism all my life. My brain may be wired differently, but that does not mean it is a bad thing.

“Oh, so you only have it mildly?” or “Aspergers is only a mild form of autism.”
I find this very ignorant because I don’t think any form of autism is mild. I have asperger syndrome which is often referred to as a mild form of autism, but it has never affected me mildly in any form. It tremendously affects my life and who I am. Also when you tell a person they only have it mildly I feel it degrades what that person is going through when in fact you have no idea what that person is going through.

“My child has autism, and you don’t act the same as my child or look like my child at all”
These kind of comments really bother me because it makes me feel like you don’t believe me. Also I have spent my entire life learning and finding coping mechanisms to live with autism. I have lived 29 years trying to process things and learn how to live in society. Your child has not. You cannot really compare the two. The spectrum is also very wide and complexed and not everyone is going to act like your child. You can’t stereotype a spectrum based on how your child acts or is.

“Having asperger syndrome or autism is not an excuse”
This one is kind of hard to explain so I will use an example. I don’t like hanging out in big crowds or going out to very public places because how I am affected by sensory over load. People will tell me that my autism is no excuse to not want to go out to the pub or the bar with friends or it is no excuse not to want to spend more than 20 mins in wal mart. It really aggravates me because it is not an excuse, it just is what it is. An excuse is like something you come up with because you simply don’t want to do something but are fully capable of doing it. An excuse is like a choice. I do NOT function in crowded places, so how is it an excuse? It is more than just a simple matter of not wanting to go out with friends or to go to public places. Which makes it not a choice. This just really bothers me because when I can choose to change things or do things even if I struggle, I will do it. It’s very valid when you cannot change it or help it. I really hope I explained this in a way it makes sense.

“Are you sure you are autistic?”
Yes I am very sure. I am not dealing with this comment. I am sure I may have already kind of ranted about something similar to this in this post already or will and in past posts anyways.

“Did you get autism from vaccines or the vaccine?”
LOL This has already been dis proven so do us all a favor and educate yourself. Like if you are just simply not informed then don’t say anything at all. It is better than looking like an ignorant fuck wad trust me.

“I am not vaccinating my child because vaccines cause autism.”
You can refer back to the previous comment mentioned above, but I would just like to add a few points. You are basically saying autism is not only bad, but it is worse than dieing of measles, mumps or what have you. WTF?! If your child turns out to have autism anyways with or without the vaccines you will still love your child. At least I would hope you would because the love between a parent and a child is unconditional. Since you are very ignorant and didn’t get your child vaccinated because of your fear of autism, what if they end up having autism anyways sinc vaccines do NOT cause autism. Now your child is not only diagnosed with the worse thing you think could possibly happen to your child, but they are also vulnerable to some of the world’s most vile diseases and can risk death. Yay for stupid people! *Thumbs up* This way of thinking makes me hope people like this never have kids period.

Too harsh?

MOVING ON

“Have you tried medications of any kind to help you or cure you?”
If you are really close to me than I am comfortable with you asking if I have tried things like medications or therapy to help me cope. I find this really ignorant and it bothers me when an acquaintance or a stranger asks me because I don’t think it is any of their business and I also don’t like suggestions of trying anything new what so ever. If a change happens in my life I am only okay if I make that choice myself. However, I am not okay with being asked if I have ever tried to cure my autism from anyone close loved one/friend or not.
(This will bring us to our next comment)

“Do you wish you could be cured of your autism?”
Most definitely not. Again I don’t see having autism as a bad thing. I am sure I have already briefly touched on this already in this post, have ranted about this before in other posts ( You can refer to my post here)and probably will continue to so that is all I will say on this matter for now.

“Isn’t autism like socially retarded?”
First of all, retard or retarded are words that should never be used to describe anyone or anything, as it is a slur that has been used to oppress and dehumanize people. Second of all, autism is a complex-ed neurological disorder and having troubles with communication or social difficulties is only one part.

You are autistic, so you must be asexual?
First of all, I am not. Second of all this is very rude to ask somebody because it is like asking someone if they are like gay or straight. It’s very personal I think. I’m not asking you about your sexual orientation so why the heck are you asking me about mine? Like please just go away.

“Are you aware that you are rocking, flapping your hands, fidgeting or what have you (stimming)?”
Yes I am very aware, thanks for noticing. 😉

This is very ignorant to say because even people who are aware they are stimming cannot stop themselves or control it as it is the only proper response we know to do to survive sometimes. For us on the spectrum it is the only way we can cope with sensory overload and get through the situation that we find to be overwhelming. It’s really embarrassing to point this out to someone who is only responding in a way they know how to. It is pretty much their dignity and survival verse your embarrassment. It is your problem, not ours.

“It isn’t that bad, just relax. Or count to 10 and get over it.”
Comments like this often get told to me when I am having really bad anxiety or I am sharing feelings about having really bad anxiety. This really bothers me because for me it was really bad and just because you weren’t bothered by it doesn’t mean it didn’t bother me. Telling me it wasn’t that bad or I just need to get over it makes me feel like my opinions or my feelings don’t matter. If you cannot accept me or support how I feel then you can just go away. K thanks bye.

“What are you going to do when you’re an adult because people won’t stand for that behavior?”
I am now an adult and my behaviors are just fine thanks. I am not sure what this comment really means really because clearly I cannot act differently or help the way I act. People will just have to deal with it. The same way I deal with things I disagree with or may not understand. It’s called respect? Get some. It is not like I always enjoy the way I am or the way I act. I do not enjoy things like feeling anxious, melt downs or having panic attacks.

“You have autism, so you are like Rain Man yo”
Again the spectrum is very wide and complexed. Yes it is known that a lot of people on the spectrum can have a high IQ, and/or associated disorders like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) allows people on the spectrum to become more educated on topics they are interested in, hence making it seem like they have a higher IQ. Frankly, I am not even sure if it is true that people with autism or aspergers naturally have a higher IQ. Or it is just because when those that have an interest in a certain topic they want to learn everything about that interest allowing them to be smarter as a result in that certain category. That is not necessarily what IQ is though. So that is even up for debate or a topic in it’s own that I am not going to dive anymore into on this post. My main point is the spectrum is very wide and no autistic person is the same, so no we are not all like rain man. Sorry.

What’s it like to have autism?” Note: This is not always necessarily bad because I guess if you say it in the right context you are just asking out of curiosity. I think you should only ask a person with autism who is close to you these kind of questions.

This comment really just confuses me because I have always been this way and I don’t know what you want me to say. It would be the same as asking someone what it is like to be neuro-typical or what have you. I think it is better to ask a person you know or are close to that has autism because you can have a much meaningful and deeper conversation about it. Like you can ask why they find certain things harder and like ask in more detail I guess. I really hope this makes sense as it is one of those points that I find hard to explain.

The last one is not really a comment and that is why I saved it for the last point. It is one someone is talking about me to the person I am with. (IE: Parents)

Let’s say for example I am talking to someone with my parents and they ask my parents a question about me. Like I am standing right here, why not just ask me yourself? Clearly I can answer for myself and I will even be able to tell you more about myself or answer your question better than people around me because living with autism is a lot different than witnessing it. I also think this is just plain rude. It also makes me feel like I lack the capacity of being able to answer your question when I am fully capable of understanding your question and answering it. K thanks, bye.

Some of these points are reoccuring themes on my blog so I didn’t dive into as much detail as I wanted to in some of them. Well that’s it for now if I can think of anymore or receive anymore ignorant comments in the near future I will make sure to add them to this list. 🙂 As always if you have anything to add or have received any rude comments from people or just want to add to the topic feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

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15 thoughts on “Things You Shouldn’t Say To People With Autism Or Aspergers

  1. So back to my comments. I have gotten the whole, well at least it’s mild comments. I absolutely hate hearing this. It drives me up the wall.

    I spent the entire day today close to a meltdown and the only thing that I can think of that started it was that I misunderstood a comment that was made early in the day at work and the boss wore a new type of cologne that overwhelmed me.

    “What’s it like to have autism?”

    Ask a fish what it is like to breathe water. I understand that people ask this at times just to understand but then you explain and it makes no sense to them…

    “Don’t you want to be cured?”

    Ughhh….this one bugs me a lot. Autism is part of who I am, if I wasn’t autistic I wouldn’t be me. Why would I want to eliminate that? Would you ask this of a minority? A gay person? Etc???

    “Aren’t you Asexual?”

    What I think when I hear this. “Great…you’ve heard of Temple Grandin…she is one autistic person, not all of us…I loved her story but yeah…not me…”

    The vaccination thing really bugs me a lot too. “Oh, thank you for pushing the blame of your child dying of some preventable disease because you were afraid that they might be like me….ughh!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Glad you liked my post and think it’s awesome. This really brings a smile to my face and inspires me to write more.

    Sorry to hear about your melt down, I know what you mean when you can get hung up on one small comment or certain sensory related things can be too overwhelming.

    Yes some of these comments we get from people can be so aggravating especially the “so you only have it mildly” type of comments. The vaccines comments are so ignorant and like stupid I kinda just laugh about it now when I hear it or see it being talked about or what have you.

    Thank you for your response. 🙂

    Like

  3. Found another one that could be included…

    “We’re all on the spectrum somewhere…”

    Usually meant as a compliment of sorts but comes across as demeaning and dismissing of autism as a whole…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol I have heard that one before. That would be included in ignorant shit people say yes. It is really demeaning to those on the spectrum because not everyone is on the spectrum. I really hate that comment actually. I should add it to the list. I may update this post in due time and if I do I will keep this one in mind. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree with you on the “mild” assessment. People ask me all the time if my son’s autism is mild. What difference does it make? It can still be quite hard. Besides I never ask them what their NT kids IQ is, right!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you love it. 🙂

      I believe they changed the diagnoses criteria from asperger syndrome to high functioning autism because they wanted a way to group everyone with autism together, but not together as the spectrum is wide to make it easier for anyone with autism low or high to get the help they need, support, benefits etc. So I have a love hate thing with high functioning, like I understand why it is diagnosed and classified as that now, but it takes away from the meaning or how it effects someone and like you said leads people to assume it is mild. There is no such thing as mild autism or a little bit of autism. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

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