Last weekend I did absolutely nothing but lay in bed, listened to music, netflix, games and other activities I normally do to reset myself for the new work week ahead. But instead of it resetting myself, it lead to me calling into work on Monday and then again on Tuesday. I wish I could just blame my lack of motivation at the beginning of the week on stress, as the last few weeks have been a bit more crazy than normal. When I made myself go back to work on Wednesday I felt better and more accomplished. (After the first couple hours of anxiety from being back passed of course.) I feel it was more than just anxiety that I was going through though. That me having no motivation or over doing down time last weekend was leading to shut down and depression. Making myself getting out of bed last Wednesday and going into work snapped me out of the state I was in. I was back to a somewhat normal state for a couple days, but then after work on Friday I felt exhausted and anxious again. Though it is normal for me to finish a work day and be a bit offish, it was more than normal.
I have struggled with this all my life and have tried my best to manage time for myself, but I really came to realize recently that even too much down time (I normally stress about not having enough) can also be a bad thing. That if I can’t balance between me time and being active it can put me in a state of depression or ‘autistic’ state that can be difficult to get out of sometimes.
So here I go again to find new ways to stay healthy and happy. I have worked too hard this past year or so to get where I am today. After battling depression, isolation, insecurity etc most of my life. I can’t afford to fail again especially right now.