Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and say “Buh-Bye” to the human race instead I have settled for listening to music and blogging. I write to you hoping to calm my anxiety and my need to explode. My autism has been extra ragey this week, but I have pulled off another full work week and managed everything else with no break downs or scenes of grumpiness for those around me. Yay Me!
However it has not been easy at all. It really went down hill yesterday when I had to wait too long in a Clinic’s waiting room for a 2 minute appointment after work. Probably because I am use to coming home after work and the appointment had set my routine off. Yes I love my obsessive routines! I couldn’t even keep a straight thought when I got home and down time wasn’t helping me so I just went to bed, but I think because of my mood I barely slept got up at 6 this morning and pulled off a full day’s work.
It’s times like this I realize just how far I have come since a child or my high school days and how I have learned to cope with my autism. In other words taking the advice of “toughen up buttercup” or your autism is not always an excuse to give up or exclude yourself from the world. As a child I would throw tantrums if I wanted people to leave me alone, that doesn’t really cut it into adult hood because you may just end up alone. If I acted now as I did as a child I would have been fired from my job, have no friends or relationship (Not that I really have many friends but it’s besides the point LOL I like it that way)
So I guess a positive coming into the end of the week is that I have amazed myself that I have pulled the past couple days off with little problems and that I have managed to keep my inner rage inward and finding ways to avoid a break down including writing this.
I may be feeling pissy, all over the place, anxious etc right now, but I am happy where my life is going so I must continue to make strives and over come diversity to keep it going in the direction I want it to.
Sorry if this seems scrambled like mentioned I have been struggling to keep a straight thought I just felt the need to write so I am going to leave it as is. I am off to netflix or maybe more music we’ll see…