Hello, My Name Is Human…(My Sunday Song)

I thought while I am at home I will post my regular Sunday song. My day was quite good although I did feel off, restless and anxious this afternoon, but overall it was nice. Woke up around 9 am ish to my husband making me coffee and breakfast. He was actually going to make me breakfast in bed, but I forced myself to get up as I was falling back to sleep. xD It was a really nice treat. Tried to relax as much as I could today, but we had to run the regular errands and pack before going back for another week to our home away from home. Except it doesn’t feel like home. Haha. Now we are getting our last fix of Wifi before taking off in the morning and drinking wine. Thankfully this should be our last week as the guys don’t have a lot left to do there, thinking they will try to get a full 5 days in though for good money and can bill it by even weeks. Haha. I cannot tell you how excited I am to get back to normal life, I am feeling kinda anxious about doing another week there and already have a bad feeling it will drag on, but yes one more week! As my life gets back to normal, so will my blogging and it’s schedule. 🙂 At least that’s the plan…

Anywhooo…Here is my Sunday Song. It’s funny I checked this song out months ago and thought meh…not sure if it was my style or not. One of my husbands work buddies played it in the evening last week when we were all hanging out and I became instantly obsessed. It has been like playing in my head since. So here is one of my new found loves. ❤

I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling myself
Fuck everyone else
Gotta remember that nobody is better than anyone else, here
(Do you need some time to think it over?)
Look what they do to you
Look what they do to me
Must be joking if you think that either one is free, here

My Name Is Human ~ Highly Suspect

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Growing Up With Undiagnosed Autism (Warning: Long post)

So this is going to be a really long post. You have been warned. For those of you who do read the whole thing or most of it, thank you and know I really appreciate it. Okay here we go…

“Aspergers…That is like a mild form of autism right? So no big deal. Why are you complaining?”

I know autism can be much more severe or for parents who have children on the low end of the spectrum. Believe me, I am grateful. However, growing up with high-functioning autism can be really tough because children can be mean and when you are just different enough to stand out, that’s all it takes. Furthermore, not knowing what the problem is makes it worse because you are not doing any of the therapies or getting any kind of help that other children on the spectrum are doing to help manage their condition. Especially high-functioning ones because with the right help, routine, therapy and so on high-functioning autistics normally do really well in the world, but you have to know what the problem is. That was one of my biggest problems as a child and even into my teens was that my family, teachers, doctors and peers just assumed I was a bit weird. Which I most definitely am, but it was more than that.

Besides my obvious lack of eye contact, speech delays or problems when I was younger I think there was other things that singled me out as a child. One of those things was I had a really hard time being touched especially if I was not aware of it. This was really hard as a child because acts of shaking hands, poking someone to get their attention or even just playing with other children was very normal to most people, but for me it was a nightmare. If someone tried to hug me without asking, poked me or even just in my personal space it would send me into instant freak out mode. So as a child I found this really difficult because I couldn’t understand why it made me feel aggravated or angry and I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to be touched. I probably came across as a really angry child now that I think of it. Haha. I still have a hard time with being touched especially on my more anxious days or when my more annoying aspie traits are rearing it’s ugly head. However now that I am an adult I do have to act like one and have found ways to be more polite about it even if it means to not react in any negative way at all or explain myself if I can so the person understands. For example, a year or so ago I had a really bad day at work, came home in a very anxious, angry and stressed mood with no more patience for other people. My mom tried to offer me a hug in an attempt to help calm me, but I was unaware as she came up behind me and it made me rage on the inside, but I didn’t react to it and instead just went downstairs to be by myself. So as much as I still sometimes have a hard time being touched, I have found better ways to manage it.

My sensory processing disorder also made school very difficult as a child. Since I was sensitive to noise classroom distractions and children playing in the school yard was very difficult for me. I was teased for wanting to stay inside during recess or lunch hour instead of going outside to play with the other kids. Yet for me it was nice to be on my own to regroup for 15 mins or the hour at lunch and could also get more work done as I didn’t have classroom distractions.

Another thing that I think really made me stand out as a child was my stimming behaviors. I use to always twirl around in a circle while I was walking as a child. I also would make these movements with my legs underneath the chair I was sitting in or desk when I would feel restless or anxious. It was one behavior that actually really helped keep me calm. I remember when I was in the 1st or second grade I was pulled out of class by two teachers and asked to stop doing this behavior as it was distracting to my own work and other students in class. I was so embarrassed that I actually broke this habit. Both of these behaviors among others were overlooked and seen as bad habits. I also use to chew on my nails, bit my knuckles until they bled and chewed on clothes until they got ruined. I was asked by my parents, grandparents and peers to break this nasty habit, but I honestly and still do always had this need to chew when I am anxious or nervous.

I was a very literal child and had a very hard time understanding metaphors, ala-gory, analogies and so fourth. I have been a very fast reader since a child and I am very intelligent when it comes to language and English. However I didn’t understand things like metaphors and analogies worth a damn. I remember in 8th or 9th grade our English teacher had assigned this book called “The Old Man And The Sea” by Earnest Hemingway for our class to read. I read it and thought it was the most boring piece of literature I ever had to read. After reading the book we had one of those final assignments to be marked and one of the questions was to point out the bible or religion ala-gory in the book. I remember being like wait?! Where the eff does this book talk about religion? Did I read the wrong book? I literally thought this book was about an old man fishing in the sea. I actually had to get up nervously as I am terrible with talking to people and talk to my teacher about it. She then explained how basically the entire book was an analogy for religion and the bible. I did reread the book after the discussion with my teacher and brought up my project marks because for me failing English was never an option. I still at times have a hard time understanding metaphors and analogies which I find to be quite interesting for a person who loves writing and English. To this day I am a very literal person, but as a child it was really bad. It was not so much that I was gullible, but things like exaggerations went way over my head. I remember a close friend of mine once told me she was up all night doing homework. I responded with how we didn’t get that much homework and that I didn’t know how she could go to school the next day with no sleep or something. In which she corrected me that it was an exaggeration and that she did sleep for a few hours. That is probably a really bad example but it was one I could think of off the top of my head and hopefully you understand what I mean, kind of anwyays. Haha

Sarcasm was also a joy as a kid. Lol. My brother had a lot of fun with this.Luckily I wouldn’t say my brother was someone who used sarcasm all the time but he definitely had his moments with me. He would sarcastically be like “Sure I will give you my sandwich I put time and effort into making” and I would be like “Really?! Gimmie.” and then he would be like “Haha I was being sarcastic.” WTF is sarcasm?! Just give me your sandwich. My nanny is like 95% sarcasm, between her and my brother I think they taught me everything there is to know about sarcasm and how to be rude to people. Jk jk. But yes if it wasn’t for them I probably would still be a lost cause when it comes to sarcasm. Since I had a hard time with sarcasm and different vocal tones it was really hard as a kid to know if someone didn’t like me or was being aggressive towards me or poking fun at me. This probably also had to do with me being so literal as a child as I mentioned. I was a very sensitive child because I would take things like sarcasm as very literal statements. A person would be like “Wow, you are really awesome!” and I would just be like “really? Thank you, so are you,” but then it would be followed by sideremarks and giggles. Since I had a hard time understanding sarcasm, different vocal tones and didn’t always pick up on things right away it made bullying a lot worse. More so though it was not always even just the bullying. If a friend or person just was trying to have fun by making a sarcastic remark and meant no harm by it, I would take it really literal and therefor was hurt by the comment and went into automatic defensive mode. Sarcasm really did blow my mind to no end. I still sometimes have a hard time grasping sarcasm. My husband sometimes will make a sarcastic remark and I will think he is being serious and get all defensive and he will be like “girl, I am only joking, you are the bomb.”

It’s stuff like this that makes me think people are psychotic crazy people. Your words, actions and choices make no sense. I have seen people say something and then turn around and do the complete opposite…like sorry I am not following your train of thought. Your choices have no basis of logic behind them. Then there are also those people who complain about the same thing time and time again, but never do anything to fix the problem or people who just constantly complain and negative every time you see them. These cries for sympathy I never was able to grasp. Instead I would just offer my legit advice to help them thinking I was doing them a favor to be told I was offending them. Eventually I just stopped surrounding myself with the likes of those people because I couldn’t cope. For an autistic person like myself neurotypicals really seem irrational and nuts. I grew up feeling like an alien in society really. Long story short, this is why I cannot deal with many people and why I have only allowed a small circle of family and friends into my life, and only one person I have truly let in completely, my husband.

I think the reasons why I went undiagnosed for so long was a combination of my parents not wanting to come to grips with their child could be any less than their innocent perfect little daughter, especially with the stigma that goes along with autism. The diagnoses criteria was not as informative and good as it is now and I am a female with high-functioning autism. (for those of you who do not know many females get mis-diagnosed because of females ability to fit in more than males and our traits tend to be different than autistic males, but that is a rant for another time tbh)

I am not posting this for sympathy or a cry for help, this is just simply my experience growing up with undiagnosed high-functioning autism or at least this is the best way I can explain it in words. I wouldn’t change a thing about myself or my autism. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without it and these experiences. As for the bullying in school it really could be a lot worse as I attended small schools in small communities for the majority of my life and it definitely had it’s advantages I think. Plus I had a really protective brother so I was never isolated like some children. I just wanted to stress on it a bit to bring light to that children on the autistic spectrum are a lot more likely to be victims of bullying than normal children. However bullying is still unfortunately apart of growing up and at some point most people become victims to it in one point or another in life because kids are ruthless. I also believe I have a lot of gifts that I don’t know if I would have if it wasn’t for my autistic traits. Things like my love for English, my creativity when it comes to writing, my strong passion for music that other people don’t have that I have met, my imagination and maybe some other things I have yet to realize or discover. My high-functiioning autism has become a lot easier to manage and live with it just may have taken longer to over come it because it was undiagnosed for so long. It’s weird when you like find your identity in your early twenties. Haha.

I really hope this post makes sense and I explained enough of my experiences to get my point across of what it was like to grow up with undiagnosed high-functioning autism. I am posting this probably not overly edited and because it is such a lengthly post it will most likely be subject to change.

Oh one last thing I would like to stress is with the diagnoses criteria getting a lot better and there is now so much more support for families dealing with autism or children on the spectrum than when I was young, get your kids diagnosed if you suspect they need to be. Do not be scared of the stigmas that goes along with autism or what have you. Autistics are really neat people with really interesting minds and they will benefit in society with the right support system. Society can equally benefit from autistic minds as well.

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Only continue if you haven’t fallen asleep yet. xD

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Yes I realize I posted this completley off my blog schedule, but since I have been away from the internets for the most part for almost a month I felt like I should post this for you all so I am not lame and inactive and you can only do so many updatey posts especially when you live a quiet routine life like myself. Haha Routines ❤

Now here is a song to go along with my average boring life. xD If you care to listen, I have been obsessed with it recently.

Updates, updates and more updates…Sorry!

Yes, I’m back with another updatey like post. Sorry guys for not really posting much lately or sticking to my blogging schedule, but as you all know I have been very busy and also away from the interwebs during weekdays. I also apologize for another update post, but lately it is all I have had time for while I am at home or with the little down time I have had. As much down time as I do kinda get while my husband is working, it is hard to sit down and write really because I am living with four guys who are very vulgar, loud and high energy. We also listen to music all day so it can be hard to concentrate on things like a blog post. However I have been working on a couple posts relating to autism as that is what my blog is mainly focused on, and have thought of other ideas. Thinking of one of these new ideas also gave me the idea to start categorizing all my old blog posts and posts that have yet to be written. I think this will help my followers and readers navigate my page easier.

It has also been a shit and hectic end of the week because on Thursday my husband got a work related injury. (No, I don’t know how else to word it so I will bore you with the details.) He was mudding/patching walls and had a chunk of mud fling into his eye and his natural reaction (anyone’s natural reaction would be to do this) was to wipe his eye. It was a mistake because it smeared it more into his eye and glued it shut basically. We read the directions or warning and followed the instructions. Which was to flush his eye with water for 20-30 mins. After a half hour of his buddy and I flushing his eye with a water bottle (we cut a hole in the water cap to make it more efficient) we got the majority of it out. Even though the warning label doesn’t mention it can cause any damage, we decided to be safe and take him to urgent care(a clinic.) near our home, since the closest clinic to where we were was closed on a Thursday. (A clinic being closed mid day on a Thursday tells you we are in the middle of no where basically. Haha) What is even crazier is my husband drove us the hour and 20 min drive home, since I don’t have my license. His buddy did offer to drive us but we didn’t want him leaving the job too, and just decided we would try and tough it out. The doctor did think my husband was nuts for doing this btw. Anyways even though their crap ass warning on the mud didn’t mention anything, the doctor confirmed he has a alkaline chemical burn on his eye and some scratches. Basically a lot of his top eyeball is chemical burn (which makes sense as that is where the mud was stuck and also hardest to get out) and the scratches on his eyeball are from the debri and probably us trying to get the mud out of his eye. The doctor said we did the right thing by flushing his eye out, but that we should have came in sonner to be seen and my husband definitely should have not drove to Urgent Care himself never mind the hour or so drive home. He was prescribed antibiotics via eye drops for 7 days. I am the lucky wifey that gets to do the eye drops for him and every time we do them they burn his eye and causes irritation. However a natural side effect. We joke that I am getting him back for all the times he was rude etc, but really I feel so bad for him and I feel awful when I have to do the eye drops. Haha Let’s hope his eye heals sooner, the antibiotics do their trick and it doesn’t get infected. He is starting to feel better, get clearer vision back etc so that is a good sign to a speedy recovery. What my beef with this whole event is the fact the warning label didn’t read clearly that perhaps upon getting this junk in your eyes you should go see your doctor or go to the ER, or no mention of a chance of a chemical burn etc. Like WTF, what if we waited another day or more and didn’t go to a clinic? I want to call and bitch this company out so they can change their labeling. Maybe I can sue? Haha jkjk

So this new idea of mine is kind of random, but should come as no surprise as you should all know I am obsessed with the Sims, and if you didn’t know now you do. xD I want to start doing like a mini blog series of making up story lines to go along with my Sim game play and families. Some people do this on youtube by videotaping their gameplay and explain their stories to their viewers, but I have also seen it done on blogs including wordpress. I thought wth? I love the sims, it’s a great way to use my imagination and this seems like it could be a lot of fun. We will see how it goes. This will probably get it’s own page dedication on my blog as well, but as mentioned will also be put into it’s own category. I also may share some of the houses I have built on the sims or continue to build through pictures or something, and I do have them uploaded to a Sims website so I could just share the link. I am going to try and build the house my husband and his buddies are painting right now, and I think it would be really cool to share it on here. Like that, this is a very new idea and some of it is very alien to me so we will just have to wing it and see how things go. xD

I promise things will return back to normal in a couple more weeks. Well at least that is the estimated time the guys think they have left to finish the job/house. In case you did miss my update on where the heck I have been I will share the link again here and you can check it out if you are interested.

I am off for now. The husband and I have decided we may pull an all nighter as it is our last night for the week to stay up late, wish us luck! Lol. So if this post doesn’t make much sense or seems all over the place that could be because it is getting rather late here. Thank you everyone for your patience with my lack of blogging normally and still supporting me. Have a good rest of the weekend everyone and even better week. 🙂

Asperger Syndrome and Autism is not the problem, society is…

Some people see Asperger Syndrome as a defect or a disability and because of that belief try to ‘fix it’ or even worse find a cure.

The problem with this is that the aspie brain is wired the way it is, meaning the Aspie is how he or she is. Trying to fix it is impractical and pointless because trying to make something the Aspie is not will result in failure.

I believe why some people might view aspergers as a defect or a disability is because of society’s view of happiness is very skewed. In our society it seems the only route to happiness is to get a 8-5 job 5 days a week, get married, start a family, get a nice car or two and a big house. Now spending the majority of your life working until you are too old to even enjoy retirement and buying materialistic things to be happy is another rant all together, but that is not what this post is about. Haha. It has been proven that there is no correlation between the severity of autism and quality of life. We do know how to increase the quality of life for children and adults on the spectrum. We can achieve this by building an environment around them that will give them the best chance at life, building on their strengths, managing their weaknesses and most of all accepting them for who they are. So really what it comes down to is all that really matters is the child or adult on the spectrum is happy.

Another reason I believe is also the obvious view or need to be the same and if you don’t fit into that perfect box category you are seen as different or there is something wrong with you. That is all I will share on this matter for now as I am sure I don’t need to do much explaining as we experience this as soon as we are in elementary school and experience the bullying etc.

There is nothing inherently wrong with a person who has Asperger Syndrome or Autism, the problem is the way some people view Asperger Syndrome and Autism. Sure, the Aspie or Autistic person may have some problems dealing with society or the world the way it is, but that is not a reason to make the Aspie feel less of a person. In fact, if you only see the problems associated with Autism you will over look the talents and gifts they may actually have. This can be very unfortunate because not only can Aspies and Autistics alike benefit from being accepted on their own terms, but so can society.

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This is a blog post aka rant I have been trying to work on for a week or so now, and I have decided this is as good as it is going to get at least for now. It’s really just some more random thoughts that run through my head again. Haha

I know I explained in the past I’d be gone during week days and have no interwebs, but long story, but I am home until tomorrow early morning obviously cause I am posting this. xD We may however be staying the weekend there so I may not be able to post this weekend hence why I am trying to post something now.

Hope everyone is having a great week.

Okay bye!

The Entertainer Blogger Award + Quick Life Updates

The Entertainer Blogger Award

Rules:
-Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
-Display the award picture on your post (Either make your own or use one already made for this award by other bloggers and such)
-Answer the questions below
-Nominate 12 other bloggers who are funny, inspiring and/or you find entertaining

Thank you Diversion 3000 for nominating me for The Entertainer Blogger Award. You should also go check her blog out HERE as her posts are very funny and entertaining. It means a lot that someone would consider my blog to be entertaining, hopefully in a good way. I always light up when I get nominated for an award because I always have a lot of fun doing them and it is something fairly easy to do when I run out of ideas for posts or don’t have a lot of time to post anything. So I really appreciate this. Thank you!!!

Questions:
Why did you start your blog in the first place?
What is your favorite book?
What do you dislike the most?
What is your favorite food at the mall?
What is your favorite pastime?

My Answers:
Why did you start your blog in the first place?
I am sure I have explained reasons for starting my blog on my about me page as well as other award nomination questionnaires and probably other blog posts. BUT… for new followers and readers I will share reasons for starting my blog again for the purpose of enlightening you and not for the purpose of sounding like a broken record tbh. xD

I mainly started my blog because I love writing. For sometime I got really busy in life and for other personal reasons kinda neglected my passion for writing so I thought starting a blog would be a great way to get back into the habit of writing on a more regular basis. Especially because blogging takes some form of dedication with remaining active etc. and thought would be a a good platform to get back into basic writing. I wanted my own space on the interwebs to share all my random and crazy thoughts because it is what the cool kids do now adays. I also thought joining a blogging community would be a great opportunity to get inspired from other writers and bloggers.

What is your favorite book?
The Outsiders, Catcher In The Rye, To Kill A Mockingbird, Sixteen and Dying, Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist, The Giver and I am sure there are a few more I can’t think of right this moment.

What do you dislike the most?
Animal abuse and cruelty of any kind and human cruelty of any kind especially if it involves children.

What is your favorite food at the mall?
I honestly don’t know what exactly mall food is because I don’t think I ever had mall food. Anytime I recall eating at a mall (I rarely go to the mall and it’s been a long time since I went to one) was typical fast food joints like Orange Julius or McDonalds etc they had part of the mall or in the mall. If this counts which it probably doesn’t I would say Orange Julius because Dairy Queen always trumps all.

What is your favorite pastime?
Also mentioned on my about me page…Writing, listening to music, The sims, Xbox, watching a good movie or binge watching a good tv series, camping etc.

My Nominees are…
Cou Cou (Ciaz)
Cat (Welcome To My Messy World)
Resting Bitch Personality
Rachel WTF
A Kinder Way
Apricity All The Way
Damn Girl, Get Your Shit Together
Delphine Music
Crazy NOS ~ This is Kiracracy
ThatGirl4Ever
Lucky Charm

As always for my 12th nominee, I nominate anyone who would like to do the award as there are so many entertaining blogs to still be discovered. Even I could have nominated a bunch more, this is just a short list of some of my favorite entertaining blogs.

Quick Life Update:
As I already mentioned once or twice I have been away and not been able to post at all, so I hope this quick award blog thingy will suffice. I may post more or do some more updates, but I can’t promise anything as the hubby and I both had a tiring and busy week. However it was a good time minus the no wifi and janky ass shower that gets kinda warm and very low water pressure.(I need hot showers tbh) Our weekend is also booked with a lot of stuff and then we have to repack everything again to do it all over again. If you missed any updates you can check out my blogs here and here

Okay bye!!!

Just Some More Updates…

Hey all my lovely readers again!

I woke up not too long ago and am enjoying my second cup of coffee. I feel like I need to do another update as this past week has been nuts and with me leaving on Monday, I don’t want to leave anyone in the dark in case you care why I won’t be posting. You probably don’t care, but humor me okay. xD I also wanted to share that I yesterday I did do something with my blog. It was a rather small update, but an update none the less.

I was going to post a Friday Favorite Series, but I am really busy today again and need to find a way to organize how I will continue the Friday series so I don’t repeat the same questions. So I figured it would be best to leave when I have more time.

My sincere apologies to all my readers for not keeping up with my blogging schedule this past week or will be able to for another month or so. If you haven’t heard why I will be absent from blogging over all for the next month or so you can check out my post HERE . We leave on Monday and I just hope everything goes smoothly and we can get everything ready to leave on time. I am more concerned about if I can my entertainment stuff together and packed in time as with no Internet finding things to do will be limited. We found out my hubby’s friend who is coming with us has a bunch of board games, so we don’t have to buy any ourselves. Score! Just hope he has all the pieces for the games we will want to play. Haha

Yesterday I did add a few resources to my Autism Resource Page. It still needs like a major update as I want to change the main description at the top and I have a lot more resources to add, but this will have to do for now. As mentioned if you want me to add any ideas for resources you have, your own blogs (As long as they relate to Autism) or have any ideas of how I can represent the page better feel free to get a hold of me anyway you can. (IE comment on this post)

You can check out my Autism Resource page HERE or you can find it on top of my blog home page with the other page tabs.

Last night my parents called, it was really nice to hear from them. I didn’t think I’d miss them this much, but I do. I miss all my family tbh. My nanny (dad’s mom) isn’t doing very well. She is in good spirits all the time, but she has taken a few bad falls and her memory is getting worse and worse. Getting old sucks! Not looking forward to it at all. It is kind of hard to talk via phone often because of the long distance. (Canada to USA) The hubby and I don’t have a outside state plan, so unless I want to buy a calling card I can’t call home. Literally his phone or text out of country. My parents do however have a long distance plan and his phone accepts calls from long distance free of charge. In case you haven’t noticed I am a very cheap person and I love the word FREE. Haha

I have to make a couple calls today that are uber important and to tell you the truth I am really dreading it. Making calls especially on the business side of things really drains all my energy out of me. So I plan to clean before I call anywhere. Plus I have to call like three or four different places about relatively the same thing so it will be a lot of repeating myself. :/ Oh well, it needs to be done. Wish me luck! xD

I may post a blog before I leave that I have desperately been trying to work on this week, but it is not finished yet as I haven’t had a lot of time. If it quiets down though later today or this weekend I can try and post one last blog before leaving. So this is not a promise, just more of an honest attempt that I will probably end up failing at.

Okay that’s it for now! Have a great whatever time zone you are on everyone. 🙂