I wish I had his mom…

I was going to post something today, but I have been feeling really down for some reason (I can’t pinpoint why) today and out of it that I will have to post another time. I will be fine, don’t worry! For now, not that this had anything to do with my bad mood, but was really inspiring and lifted my spirits I thought I’d share it with you.

Autism: How My Unstoppable Mother Proved The Experts Wrong

Which also reminds me eventually I want to make a page on my blog dedicated to autism stuffies like resources, quotes, inspiration, videos etc. I probably have mentioned this before I am just ranting about random thoughts so don’t mind me. Hehe

Also while I’m posting, I’d like to share one of my favorite songs because it perfectly describes what it is like for me to be on the spectrum. I love this band, but this song in particular.

Skin ~ Sixx AM

Another idea I have is I will be posting a favorite sad song compilation to continue my playlists.

I know this post is super random, but I can’t keep a straight thought today so my apologies. Hoping to be back to normal by this evening or tomorrow. 🙂

Buh-bye for now…

The Liebster Award

Liebster Award

Rules…

Acknowledge the person who nominated you
Answer the 11 questions asked
Nominate 11 other bloggers
Ask 11 new questions for the bloggers you have nominated

Thank you ThoseDreamingDays for nominating me. I really appreciate it. This is so exciting! You guys should also go over to her blog and read her posts. She’s awesome!

My answers to ThoseDreamingDays 11 questions:

1) Do you have any middle names?
Yes I have one, but I like to remain somewhat anonymous here. So sorry I can’t disclose this information. If it helps it is my Oma’s (grandma in German) name.

2) What is your favourite film?
That’s a very tough question because I love tons of films. To name a few though. American History X (Hands down Edward Norton’s best role in my opinion) Juno, The Shining, E.T, The Silence of The Lambs, A Clockwork Orange, Girl Interrupted, Inglorious Bastards, Finding Nemo

3) What do you like to do to relax and unwind?
Music, write, hot bath, cup of tea, cuddle my stuffed animals (Oh the kid in me. xD) or back rubbies from the hubby

4)What word sums you up?
Um…Stubborn? Lol I have no idea.

5) What would your dream date be ( with friends or partner)?
Dream date with my partner: Maybe go out to a low key quiet restaurant or even stay in and watch a movie together. Ohh THE BEACH ❤ Yeah I am a pretty cheap date. I don't really have this dream date scenario in my head cause if I want to do something with him I just do it.
With friends? Games, movies or just chill.

6) What is your favourite picture you’ve taken and why?
I actually don't know if I have ever really thought I took a picture that I favor. Hmm…Probably one of the scenic shots I took living in British Columbia because the scenary is beautiful. (Ocean, Whales, Bears, Rain forest, large abnormal trees, remote etc)

7) Do you do any sport?
Ha…Not very well.

8) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be and who would you go with?
Ireland with my husband. Since we met in like the first few weeks of talking we both found out both our dream place to go was Ireland so we shall one day.

9) Do you play any instruments?
I wish. Thinking about getting the hubby to teach me guitar, but there is this little thing called patience that I don't have a lot of.

10) What’s your favourite word?
Fuckery? It's not a word.

11) What’s your favourite quote?
Um I have a lot of favorite quotes. The only way I can somewhat sum it up is I love all those cheesy quotes that inspire or relate to me.

Here's a few:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
~Martin Luther King Jr.

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
~ Rob Silitanen

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist, that is all."
~Oscar Wilde

“Without music, life would be a mistake."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I Nominate…
Everything By Lauren
The Shit Everybody Is Thinking
Blabbering Of A Scattered Mind
anciblogs
Inside The Rainbow
The Silent Wave
The 20 Something Existential Crisis
Flash 365
Aspie Under Your Radar
Neurodivergent Rebel

For my 11th nominee I’d like to nominate any new blogger or blogger that has yet to receive this award but would like to join in the fun and do it.

My nominations were a combination of a few new bloggers and some of my favorite bloggers that I religiously follow and harass with likes and comments. 🙂

My 11 questions for the nominees…
1) What color is your toothbrush?
2) What song are you listening to or what was the last song you listened to?
3) Who is your biggest role model?
4) Are you more of a dog or cat person?
5) Who is the person you trust the most other than yourself?
6) What is your current desktop background picture?
7) If you could flip a switch to wipe any band or music artist off the earth, who would it be?
8) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere, but you have to go right now. Where would you go?
9) Favorite disney movie?
10) If you discovered a deserted island and could build your own society on it, what would be the first rule/law you put in place?
11) Your house is on fire…Holy shit…Run!!! You only have time to grab one object. What would it be?

I’m A Bit Of A Mess

“And you can tell your friends that I’m a mess, and that I always stay at home, but your alcohol will fade away, those local bars and glory days are gone”

Twenty Something ~ Nothing, Nowhere

Grocery Shopping Disaster…

It’s funny how everyday things that most people find normal can cause me anxiety. Things most people don’t stop to think about, never mind understand what it is like for those on the spectrum.

Today it was grocery shopping for the hubby and I. My hubby had to to work the whole weekend and we were all out of food in the house, so it was up to me to go shopping. I knew it was going to be a pain before I left, but it had to get done so I promised myself if I make a list and just worry about getting it done, I will be okay. And I was okay for the first little bit. I actually am not sure what caused the anxiety, rather it was too many people or just not wanting to be in a store for more than an hour or so. The light fixtures was also bugging the hell outta my eyes and because it was gray skies out I had left my sunglasses at home. Leaving me to battle a wonderful headache on top of my anxiety and frustrations.

I remember I was in this aisle and some lady was in some big rush. I was coming up behind her instead of letting me go pass she swooped in like right in front of me not even looking to see I was literally right there. I thought to myself “Thank goodness I was paying attention, or I would have ran this lady over with my cart.” Okay maybe there was some cursing, but I’m trying to keep it PG. Haha I wanted to scream at her or better yet ram the cart into her. If a person like myself who has problems walking in a straight line never mind paying attention to the outside world around her and I can have manners not to run you over, why can’t her?

That was only one of the incidents I dealt with. I don’t like public places because I have a harder time paying attention to what is going on around me. I can really only deal with it so much before it turns me into a ball of anxiety.

By the time I got to the cash two hours later of wandering around a store I hardly know yet, pretending to look like I knew what I was doing, I was a wreck and I think the cashier knew it. I felt so bad for her, but luckily she was very polite. I forgot the codes for our new membership there so I didn’t save any money, which is a bummer cause we had a bunch of coupons clipped on our account. Fail. What was funny was I remembered the code as soon as I walked out of the store. It is not really that I forgot it, that is just one of the pains of dealing with anxiety. Oh and the dish detergent I also had picked up leaked all over the lunch meat. The cashier asked if I wanted to go get new lunch meat, but I felt so bad for the people behind me waiting I just shrugged and said the packages are sealed and I can just rinse them off when I get home. Ew! I almost threw them out when I got home, instead I did rinse them off and switched them into a container cause I live the lifestyle of the poor and normal tbh.

So it is not so much I forget things or that I freak out in the middle of public places crying. My anxiety just causes me to draw blanks, or say things (Like yes I totally want my lunch meat covered with dish soap y’know extra seasoning…yum) I don’t mean because it is easier than dealing with it, or not knowing how to deal with things I guess. Some of it is I also won’t talk about my anxiety with anyone really when it is happening, so I can’t get any help. It is something I am working on, cause I have people who are willing to help me, but I was raised pretty much like I shouldn’t feel these ways cause I am so ‘normal’ like my brother that I just got so use to hiding it and brushing it under the rug. I also love people who give their two cent advice on how I should deal with my anxiety. Because I am not a public person and they may one day read my blog I won’t mention names (It’s not my hubby, he is super supportive), but this person told me next time to just count to 10, that you just have to deal with your anxiety. Like it wasn’t an excuse why I forgot my codes at the store. *eye roll* Like if it was that easy, I would do just that.  A person who has worked on her anxiety for several years is going to take advice like “count to 10” like excuse me, I am not five years old.

When I finally got home it took me about an hour after putting the groceries away to feel somewhat okay again. I still feel kind of off ish and I am sure it is portrayed in this post as it probably doesn’t make much sense. My apologies, but I thought writing about my experience today would help a bit.

Regardless of my anxiety, I am really proud of myself for doing a big shopping list for ourselves and I didn’t forget anything on the list. It really was my first time in this area shopping alone especially with a big list. Normally my hubby does tag along, so woot…Go me!

My weekend attempts at being a social butterfly…

My weekend was filled with social ups and downs, but none the less it was great to meet new friends and new relatives.

Saturday started like every other one pretty much, slept in got up and did my normal routine with the hubby. I took most of the day to relax and try to gear up for a big family dinner. We went over to my husband’s uncle’s sister’s place (His uncle is married into the family) and his family was visiting from out west. I met the sister, his uncle, his cousin and his cousin’s son. We also went with my father and mother in law. So there was a decent crowd of people and to no surprise I hardly said a word. In fact the only time I spoke more than a couple words at a time was when everyone was out of the room except for my husband and his step mom. The funny thing is I stuttered, oh yes the only sentence I spoke all night I stumbled to say a word. Fail. Luckily his uncle and the sister are coming over without the cousin and son on Wednesday night for dinner and I am hoping to be more talkative as I would like to get to know more of my husband’s family. His uncle’s sister is a huge sweetheart too and cannot wait to spend the evening again with her.

I think the problem I had going out Saturday was not so much I wasn’t ready or didn’t want to go out, it was that crowds of any kind make me nervous and anxious. I find it really hard to blend in crowds and I think this will be something I will never get over and I am completely okay with that. There is nothing wrong with being the quiet one and is what makes me the most comfortable. I avoid crowds however for the most part whenever I can for this reason.

Sunday I had much better success at being a social butterfly and had a really nice time. The husband and I went to his best friend’s place for like 9 hours for a BBQ. I already knew his best friend as I met him briefly a few times before, but it was my first time meeting his wife and three kids. I spent most of the morning talking with the kids, and my husband’s best friend’s wife. When the kids left to go to the beach and it was time to blend in with the adults I spent the rest of the time mainly talking with the wife. My husband got some much needed guy time in as I got my girl time in and met a new friend. Because our husbands are also best friends I feel it gives us a common ground or relation to share stories aka gossip/swap stories behind their backs. jk lol. I was very chatty all day and it’s because it is easier for me to converse one on one. Plus we had a few beer which probably helped, but shh I still take credit for breaking out of my recluse shell I have been in for sometime now. Their son said a few cute things to me actually and will not soon be forgotten to bring a smile to my face. He said I was like his mom because we both don’t like bugs or spiders. That we may not look the same, but personalities we are similiar I guess? lol It was so cute. He also said when we were leaving that we need to come back so my husband can hang out with his dad and I can hang out with his mom. We all laughed said thanks for setting our plans up. The food and company were equally amazing and I hope we do it again sometime in the near future.

I had a lovely weekend, but it did take all day Monday to recover from my social events on the weekend. Just felt off all day, hard to describe and didn’t help when we had other priorities to attend to as well. Yay when life happens and you really don’t want it too. I am feeling much better today though hence me posting this and I don’t regret anything at all as it is great to meet new people in a country I just recently moved too. My husband had a hard time meeting people in Canada as I didn’t really have friends where I was living as I didn’t grow up in that part of Canada only recently moved back to my home city where I was born and I was also a huge recluse. I had some of the same fears relocating here with him, but I no longer have these fears after this weekend.

I hope everyone else had a good weekend and has a even better week. Happy Tuesday!